Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
