my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
