4 words: hood of his car
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
