Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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