Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize