I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
