'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
