dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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