Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
