After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
