I'm drive I can fine osifer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
