i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you didnt know i had herpes?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
