i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
