he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
