Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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