Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
