he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
