A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
