It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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