No stitches, just platelets and will power
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
