Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
