i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
