have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
