I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
