No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize