Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
