he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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