just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
