Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
