I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A bitchslap is in order.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
