I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
