Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
