My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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