I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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