yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His nipple licking is glorious
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