so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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