I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
