just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
