Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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