apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
