Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
