left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
