u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
