While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize