This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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