please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
