If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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