why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
