He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
