I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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