this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
