Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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