Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
