so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
