You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
