And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
