guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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