Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
