i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
