You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
