she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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