ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
