He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
