I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
